I preached my sermon on Mark 6:30-44 this evening. I went in, quite frankly, unprepared; not through lack of trying (though undoubtedly I could have tried harder) but due to a huge mental block that I've had for several days that I never did manage to get round. I went in with confused and disjointed notes, one of my three points completely unwritten, and a certain amount of uncertainty what I was going to say or do, or even what the main point of the passage was about. I had known, for days, that there was something essential I was missing from the passage (specifically, what exactly it was that the disciples failed to understand about the loaves as referenced in Mark 6:52) and I never did figure that out, or even come close.
In the pulpit, I'm sure I had the deer-in-headlights stare. I started weakly, I paused awkwardly all through, I finished with a stutter and a halt. Half of the stuff I was saying was put together on the spot (not made up entirely, as most of it I had thought of before as I worked the passage; but not from my prepared notes, anyway) and for a few brief periods I wasn't even entirely sure what I was saying, or what I had just said. My notes pages got scattered all over the pulpit, half the time I wasn't even sure what page I was reading off, and once I even broke off in mid-sentence because the sentence stopped at the bottom of one page and did not continue anywhere I could see. The sermon as a whole was disjointed, abrupt, vague, imprecise, and bad. The best that can be said is I don't think I said any doctrinal error—or, at least, I don't remember saying anything that I know to be erroneous, which is the best one can really do in any case. Also I did not fall over or vomit.
Several people came up to me after and, quite independently, told me what a good, helpful sermon it was. One man even called it 'thoughtful.' Everyone who commented at all had good things to say, and (at least seemingly) sincere about it.
There are some things in life that just don't make any sense at all. But I suppose this is a part of ministry I'll have to get used to.
It should be up in a few weeks if you want to hear it.
2 comments:
It sounds like playing music to me - as a musician, when playing I am very discerning, but the audience will always like it. One time in an orchestra the entire brass and winds section was off (by many measures + a few beats) for over half a page and _everyone_ was panicking - and the audience never mentioned it! "What a great piece that was!"
But, like music, I expect you will find yourself getting better and better. And, I suspect, had I listened to it, I would have found many thoughtful things contained in your sermon ;-)
Joy!
- Peter S
Thanks, Peter. :)
And yes, I am and will always be my own worst critic.
Though my pastor did notice the problems. He was nice about it though, and put it in context well.
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